I took myself out for waterfront dining on a Saturday night. A lovely Ship Canal patio, a diverting parade of boats, the clang clang of the Fremont Bridge opening to allow a high masted sailboat to pass through. It reminds me of Seattle's charm and how wonderful the ship canal bike path can be. It's been a "taste of fall" cloudy/humid/chilly mid-August day, so this is an antidote to tinges of sadness that threaten my fragile acceptance of radically changed circumstances. Some days are very hard for me as I feel such loneliness, regret, and, so surprising for me, fear, anxiety. I am mourning a very complicated grief. It is a strange unsettling place to be. I would never choose to do this. I wish I could wake up and realize it was a nightmare. But it's reality. Life hasn't been particularly kind to me for the past 6 months. But hard as it is, I know so many other people are in worse straits. My empathy is intact. I want to attract joy back into my life.
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